Best Half-Game Ever

It's almost midnight on Wednesday, and I just got the following text from from friend's wife, who is staying at a hotel in Philadelphia all week for a work conference:

"I just saw a guy climb a light pole and punch out the light. I am never getting to sleep tonight."

Of course he did. The Phillies just won their first World Series since Carter was in office, and the city's first pro sports title since I was five. That's a lot of years of waiting, and everyone's got their own way of celebrating. I just hope that light pole learned it's lesson.

I think I'm still in shock right now...mainly because I don't know how to react. Here's how I did, though: I watched the game at a mostly-empty bar in New Brunswick, with a couple of friends (non-Phillies fans) and a seat at the bar right in front of the screen. There was a group of about 10 out-of-town business-travelers there who were clearly freaked out by me and my repeated clapping and yelling. I heard them snicker, but they each looked like they've never felt passionately about anything, ever. Good - I wish them long flight delays when they leave.

As the half-game (I'll explain later, or just read the news) was winding down, I heard somebody else clapping along with me - and saw some dude with his girlfriend, both of them wearing Phillies jerseys. We nodded, and continued to feel cautiously optimistic. Three outs to go. Then two outs. Then a few strikes...and then the final strike came, and - I didn't think I had this in me - but I leapt up in the air and let out a yell that can only be described as "25 years of disappointment". I high-fived people, I hugged strangers (even the lame ones), and - this part was awkward for everybody involved - I shed a few tears of joy. That couple in the Phillies jerseys that I didn't know? We embraced, and he bought us a round of drinks. After about 20 minutes of talking, I finally found out their names - he was Donovan (first name of Eagles QB, of course), and I have no idea what her name was, but she looked exactly like my friend Fran, who's one of the biggest Phillies fans I know. It was perfect, like out of a movie. I'm actually writing this from their bedroom - I went home with them. I'm kidding.

Now that the World Series is over, just a few quick thanks:

- To my mom, Loretta, for being the only person in the greater Philadelphia area who actually missed the final inning because "Private Practice" was on and she only thought it was the fourth inning. Unbelievable. Thanks for the unexpected comic relief, Mom.

- To my girlfriend, Melissa, who is the best girlfriend in the world. See, we had tickets on Monday to see Coldplay at the Meadowlands. I had gotten the tickets two and half months ago, never anticipating it would be Game 5 of the World Series and the Phils' first chance to win it all. Mainly because I sulked more than Eeyore on Sunday night and Monday morning, she understood my plight and went to the concert with her sister instead. Before you decide that I'm a total asshole, understand that if the Phillies had won while I was listening to "Fix You", (a) I would not be happy, and (b) if that ever leaked out to my friends, I'd never live it down. (What would I say? "Sorry, guys - I had to go see about a girl.")

- To karma, for making this interesting. While Melissa was at the concert, I was watching Game 5, which in case you didn't hear, ended up being the old game in World Series history that was suspended, and probably one of the worst sporting events I've ever seen. It rained, it poured, and after 6 innings - or right around Coldplay's second encore - they postponed it til tonight. So the Phillies didn't win, and I essentially missed the concert for nothing - and probably deserved it. When leaving the show, she texted me asking if they won, and I think I just wrote back something like, "It's complicated - I'll just call you."

One last thought: last week Axl Rose announced the release (on 11/23) of "Chinese Democracy", the long-awaited, perpetually-delayed first Guns 'N Roses album since 1993...which was the last year the Phillies were in the Fall Classic. Anyway, I don't want to jinx anything here, but my theory is this: sometime back then, Axl made a bet with somebody and said, "Yeah I'll put out another album when the Phillies win a World Series, and we finally put a black dude in the White House."

Almost time to pay up, Axl. Go Phils.

The Nina, The Pinta, & The San Jose Sharks

I'm watching Game 2 of The World Series right now, and it's awful. The Phillies are going to lose, I'm going to get to bed late again because Fox needs to to show the "Four Christmases" trailer every eight minutes, and the "stadium" they're playing in (home to the Tampa Bay Rays) has to be one of the worst venues in pro sports. It's a dome with a too-low ceiling, the lighting's awful, and the "turf" looks like somebody's been figure skating on it. If I didn't know this was the World Series, I'd think the Phils are playing an exhibition game in Japan or something. And if I wasn't a Phillies fan, I wouldn't watch a minute of this mess. I've never been to Tampa Bay, but I've just decided that it sucks there.

I'm getting up at 5:30AM because Melissa and I are flying out to Chicago for the weekend (visiting my brother and family, and sightseeing). That I'm very excited about - gonna be fun. Know what I'm not excited about? Flying out of Newark Airport. Probably because I spent 10 hours hanging out in Terminal A of Newark Airport last Monday. Yeah, that's it. See, I was traveling to San Jose (business, not pleasure - I know, that always sounds funny), and my morning flight was delayed, then delayed some more, and then cancelled altogether. I ended up having to take an evening flight to San Fran and then getting an hour and a half shared shuttle ride to San Jose - all told, from door in Jersey to hotel door in Cali...nineTEEN hours of travel. Know what day last Monday was? Columbus Day. Isn't that interesting - I felt like I traveled as much as he did.

I don't think I can take any more flight delays tomorrow. After spending that much time in an airport, you start to go a little crazy - I kinda felt like Tom Hanks in "The Terminal", except Spielberg wasn't filming me, Catherine Zeta-Jones never showed up, and at the end of the day I didn't get to go home and be Tom Hanks. Know what gets old after ten hours in an airport, too? People-watching. Unless it's Trista and Ryan from the first season of "The Bachelorette", and you realize they're on your new flight. That's kinda cool for about 10 minutes. Know what's not that cool? Knowing who Trista and Ryan are. Know what's even less cool? Telling the girls at work that Trista and Ryan were on your flight, and feeling stupid because they don't know who they are.

When I was in San Jose I got to go to a San Jose Sharks hockey game, though, and that was really cool. It was a Tuesday night in northern California, and 17,000 people came out on a weeknight to go nuts and pretend to be hockey fans - pretty wild, until you realize that's the only pro sports team they have in San Jose. I'm not a huge hockey fan, but I had a great time there, and I think know why. Because I did something I've never done before: I rooted wildly for a team that I have no allegiance to. Do you have any idea how freeing that is? After 30 years of being an eternally-suffering Philly sports fan? It felt awesome. I was sober, and I was high-fiving strangers after goals I didn't care about. Rooting for a team you have no connection to is amazing. It's insanely liberating - it kinda feels like you're at a bar in a foreign country, rooting for some random drunk dude to make out with a chick, and knowing that you'll never find out if they went home together. So yeah...Godspeed, San Jose Sharks.

Watching the World Series, the Tampa Bay Rays fans kinda remind me of the Sharks fans. They're adorable, and they're happy, and they just don't get it. They've had a team for ten years, and now they're in the World Series, and they just assume that "this is how things are". But it isn't. You can also go 25 years with a title in any of the four major sports like Philly fans ha-

See now, this is where I have to stop. Because now I'm turning into the typical, "woe-is-me" Philly sports fan. Which is no fun at all. Nobody wants to read a blog from a grown dude sitting in his boxers at his girlfriend's computer, slapping angrily at his keyboard because his favorite baseball team hasn't come close to a championship since he was in puberty. That's no fun. People want to read blogs about happy stuff...funny stuff...like how two months ago I got Coldplay tickets for Melissa and I for her birthday, and how the concert is now this Monday, during...Game 5 of the World Series.

That's right. I don't know what that is, but maybe it's some weird sort of karma. But whatever. I can't wait. I hope the Phils are up 3-1 in the series and about to clinch on Monday. And I hope that the game comes down to the wire, and we win. Twenty-five years without a title - suddenly broken. And I hope all my friends start calling...assuming I caught the game...and saying stuff like, "Holy shit, man!! Can you believe this is really happening?!?" And with all the noise around me I'll just pause...and then shout back, "I know!! Dude, they NEVER save 'Clocks' til the encore!! Unreal!"

God, I suck. And go Phillies.